So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Randomize
