I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
