this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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