were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
