it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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