I heard we made out
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.