I am in a vortex of obligation.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back