I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage