Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
