thanks...oh and i got my period
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.