If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender