It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill