Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
