Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
