So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
