Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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