May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dear god my vagina.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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