I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
