Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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