so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
