my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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