Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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