Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
