I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
