none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
