She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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