i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
