Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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