Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
