The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
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Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Holy shit dude........stairs
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