The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Farmville is her only friend.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Randomize
