My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
