Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
