the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
