break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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