There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A bitchslap is in order.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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