I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(