I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
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I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.