Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.