I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
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You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"