I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
