he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
