I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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