I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
