Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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