i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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