I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
