two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
