My entire life is one complicated drinking game
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
