3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
