I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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