shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
