He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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