Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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