I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I supernannyed him into submission
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
