I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
