i don't like sucking hair
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
