Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
