Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
