After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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