This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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