I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
