Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
and you fell through a lawn chair
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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