Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
two words...techno handjob
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
