My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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