Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
