So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
