just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
