I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
